he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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