Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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