I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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