It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
