So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
