wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
