I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
