Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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