I puked a lego.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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