The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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