I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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