we're blogging at a bar
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
