Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
one might say we're banned from that church
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You made out with two different species that night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
