pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
