I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
