I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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