Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
