he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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