Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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