Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
