Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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