I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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