I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
