No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
