I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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