im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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