I hate all girls vehemently.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's never too late to be topless.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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