K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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