I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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