Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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