just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's Friday. Sex?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
