I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
