sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
