Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
