Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
