ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Randomize
