Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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