idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
