So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think your dad took our porno
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
