Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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