So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
