Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
