I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
