I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
being pregnant is like rehab
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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