every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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