your thong is hanging out like whoa
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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