Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The best revenge is premature balding
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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