Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
