so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
