My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
